A few months ago, one of my oldest friends joined my gym expecting to improve her mental and physical fitness. What I wasn't expecting, as she joined, was to be reminded just how important friendship is.
Through our regular gym sessions, I found a new connection with a childhood friend.
We'd never fallen out. There had been no dramatic ending, no disagreement, no conscious decision to stop being friends. Like so many adult friendships, life had simply happened. Careers, children, family commitments, responsibilities, and the sheer busyness of life had meant that although we cared about one another, months and often years had slipped by. I often found we were catching up on a Christmas card.
What has surprised me most isn't just how enjoyable it has been, but how natural it feels.
There hasn't been an awkward period of catching up. There hasn't been a need to explain who everyone is or provide a detailed history of the last decade.
When we talk about our husbands, children, parents, sibling, work, or the challenges we're facing, there is already a shared understanding. We know each other's stories. We know where we've come from. We remember each other's childhoods, families, successes, struggles, and the people who shaped us.
The friendship simply picked up where it left off.
I always new friendship was important but it's made me re-evaluate how friendship offers something incredibly valuable that we often underestimate.
Friendship Is Not seen as a Luxury
In our achievement-driven culture, friendship can easily be viewed as optional. Work feels important. Family responsibilities feel important. Household tasks feel important. Friendship often ends up being whatever is left over once everything else has been squeezed into the diary.
The problem is that there is rarely much left over. We tell ourselves we'll catch up with friends when things settle down. We'll arrange that coffee next month. We'll send that message next week. We'll make more time when life gets less busy. But life rarely gets less busy.
In her book Platonic, Marisa Franco argues that friendship is not simply a pleasant addition to life. It is one of the most important contributors to our wellbeing, emotional resilience, sense of belonging, and even our physical health. Human beings are wired for connection. The need for friendship isn't selfish or indulgent. It's part of what makes us human. Yet many of us treat friendship as though it's a luxury item rather than an essential need.
The Gift of Shared History
One of the things I've appreciated most about reconnecting with my friend is the comfort of shared history. There is something deeply reassuring about spending time with someone who remembers earlier versions of you. Someone who knew you before your career. Before your mortgage. Before the endless responsibilities of adulthood. Someone who remembers the stories you no longer tell because they already know them.
As we sit over coffee after a workout, I've realised how much energy is saved when you're with someone who already understands your context. I don't have to explain why certain situations matter. I don't have to introduce every family member by name. I don't have to provide the backstory to every challenge. The foundation is already there. In a world where so many interactions are surface-level, friendships with shared history can feel like coming home.
Why We Need Friends
Friendship provides something that other relationships cannot always give. Friends are often the people who walk alongside us without expectation. They're not responsible for parenting us. They're not employed to support us. They're not with us because of obligation. They choose us. And we choose them. That mutual choosing matters.
Friends celebrate our successes without needing credit. They listen to our worries. They remind us who we are when we've forgotten. They make ordinary experiences more enjoyable and difficult experiences more manageable. A hard workout becomes more fun. A coffee tastes better. A difficult week feels lighter. A challenge becomes easier to face. The activity itself often isn't the point. The connection is.
The Belonging We Didn't Know We Needed
Marisa Franco talks about belonging as a fundamental human need. Most of us assume belonging is something we either have or don't have. But often belonging is created through small, consistent acts of connection.
A text message. A shared activity. A coffee after the gym. A simple "How are you really doing?"
The interesting thing about reconnecting with my friend is that it wasn't a profound intervention or a carefully planned friendship strategy. It happened because our paths crossed more frequently.
The friendship was rekindled through something incredibly ordinary. And yet the impact has been significant.
I've found myself looking forward to our workouts. Looking forward to the conversations. Looking forward to hearing what's happening in her world. Those moments have reminded me that friendship doesn't have to be complicated to be meaningful.
The Problem with Modern Life
I sometimes wonder whether one of the reasons loneliness is increasing is because modern life encourages independence but doesn't always create opportunities for connection.
We're busy.
We're productive.
We're efficient.
Yet many of us are quietly isolated. At some point we stopped treating friendship as something that requires investment. We assumed that if people mattered, we'd somehow stay connected automatically.
But friendships are like gardens. Left unattended long enough, even the healthiest relationships become overgrown or just die out. What I've learned recently is that many friendships don't disappear because they lack value.
They disappear because nobody intentionally creates space for them or attends to them with intention.
An Unexpected Lesson
What started as a fitness goal has become a friendship lesson. It's reminded me that friendship matters far more than we often acknowledge. It has reminded me that relationships don't always need to be replaced. Sometimes they simply need to be rediscovered.
It has reminded me that some of the richest conversations happen with people who already know your story. Most of all, it has reminded me that friendship isn't something extra that sits on the edge of life.
Friendship is part of what makes life meaningful. The workouts are great (and exhausting, thanks Phil) The coffee is lovely. But what I'm most grateful for is the reminder that genuine friendship is one of life's greatest gifts. And perhaps in a culture that is constantly encouraging us to move on, reconnecting with an old friend is a small but powerful act of resistance.
Reflection Question
Think about someone whose friendship once meant a lot to you. What would happen if you reached out today and suggested a coffee, a walk, or even a gym session together?
Sometimes the best friendships aren't new ones. They're old ones waiting to be rediscovered.
Next week, we will explore Blog 2: whatever happened to friendship